Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
