Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
