i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
