i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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