There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
