The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
