This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
