where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
