hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
