Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
