No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
