margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
