I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
