It's like a parade of train wrecks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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