Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize