I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Holy sore nipples Batman
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
