I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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