Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
