Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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