just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
