i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i love accidental penises.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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