i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
