I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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