I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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