I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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