i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
