Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
