I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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