I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize