These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
