I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
is it fun? or sober?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize