After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
