why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
