I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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