I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
