Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
