Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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