dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
