I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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