porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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