I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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