Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
