I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
