she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do vagina's smell?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
