why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
