Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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