Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
