I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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