Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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