I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
