we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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