I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
