If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
