My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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