Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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