it was like his penis was on wheels.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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