I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize