I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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