i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
its liver damage thursday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
