Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
