you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
