It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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